First love is such a sweet despair

If first love is always despair
isn't then love always longing?
But if love would be longing
whats about the married old ones?
Aren't they in love anymore?

I long to love,
but I need no despair!
I long not for longing!

So, now I am here,
with despair,
with longing,
with love.
But also with hate,
with lies,
with to much cold and icey mind.

I long for love,
trying to get it with lies.
Getting it, it fills my heart with despair
and the longing within would make me hatefull.
And in the end I wouldn't even notice my mind becoming cold.

I love the hole.
It's a part of me and you.